Support Squad - What To Offer Someone Separating or Wanting a Divorce.
It is very likely that you or someone you know is currently going through a divorce or separation. The statistics, particularly through the pandemic, have been steadily rising.
At Lagom Family Law, we saw a 120% increase in enquiries during the December 2021 - March 2022 quarter compared to the same period 2 years prior.
It was particularly evident with people who had been working from home or home schooling their children and spending a lot more time with their partner. Many have now decided that they had grown apart and wanted to separate.
As specialists in Family Law, we support our clients with legal advice and planning, but often the results are so much more powerful when combined with support from family, friends or other professionals.
This article provides six ways a Support Squad can assist when dealing with the stress, emotions and realities of separation and divorce:
1. Be There For The Long Haul
Divorce can turn a person’s life upside down and can often leave them feeling alone and isolated. So, be ready to show up for your friend and not just at the beginning. Separation or divorce doesn’t occur overnight. It can often take months or even years to resolve a matter, depending on individual circumstances and also the legal system’s own timelines.
As a firm we often encourage clients to have a support person attend their Initial Conference and Advice session. It can be overwhelming for the person involved, because there are difficult decisions to make and information to discover, both in finances and parenting. There is not always a clear right or wrong path to choose, but having someone else present can help keep things on track and to focus on the important elements later on.
2. Be Ready To Listen In Complete Silence
It is crucial to remember that everyone deals with divorce and separation differently. A support person may need to sit in silence and just be a listening ear, rather than seeking out or providing solutions. What is truly important is your presence in a time of need. When she or he is ready to open up, or to take steps to find resolution, they will.
3. Don’t Add Fuel To The Fire!
As tempting as it may be, now is not the time to bring out any ill feelings harboured towards your friend’s former partner. In a situation which can often bring out so much negativity between people, it is important that you bring neutrality to the situation.
If someone you are supporting posts on social about their matter, don’t comment or react publicly to their post; it is best to privately contact and remind them delicately that these actions could be used in Court against them. This guidance is often hard in the heat of the moment but long term they will thank you for it.
4. Encourage Professional Support
As lawyers, our team will often recommend clients take up on a mental health plan with their Doctor and organise to speak to a counsellor. It can be many years of traumatic experience, before someone seeks to leave a relationship. Having a trained psychologist or therapist who is independent can help with the emotional and mental stress that often results during this time of change. A therapist can be an important part of the squad to keep you levelled headed through what can often be a difficult time. The breakdown of a relationship, even the most amicable, can be a sad and tough time.
This is nothing to be ashamed of. Just like going the gym and using a personal trainer, going to therapy can help to strengthen the mind and the heart by working together towards personal goals.
For most Australians these sessions can often be Bulk Billed, just like visiting a Doctor. You can read more here.
5. Lend a Helping Hand
Unfortunately, as lawyers, our team aren’t wizards and certainly don’t have a crystal ball to know what the future will bring. Even for the most well planned separations, there can be urgent elements that arise that need the individual’s full attention, for example preparing for and attending Court.
Lend your friend or family member a helping hand when time and emotion is not their friend. This can include helping out around the house with chores, meal prep or looking after children - these little things can make a huge difference in removing some of life’s other stresses and allow them to focus on getting through the toughest times.
6. The New Norm
Divorce can often change the dynamics of your friend’s lifestyle and that’s okay. Your friend is still navigating their way and finding their rhyme in life. So, make a conscious effort to include them in your plans, as it can help them realign what’s important to them and get their mind to other places.
The sad reality is that people separate, but there is light at the end of tunnel. As family law experts, we often encourage our clients to seek support from friends, family and other professionals. This article provided 6 ways to create the best Support Squad when someone going though divorce or separation.
So remember to show up, listen, don’t add fuel to the fire, encourage professional support, lend a helping hand and get ready for the new norm!
One last thing, You’re a friend not a lawyer - If you or your friend are going through separation or divorce and need advice navigating through the legal process, feel free to reach out to us on (02) 8379 1835 or online. Lagom Family Law offer a free 20 minute Discovery Call, to find out more about their matter and if our services are the right fit.
Author: Desiree Kars-Sipeli, Junior Lawyer at Lagom Family Law
Lagom is Swedish and means not too little, not too much, just right. This is our philosophy of practice as we aim to provide tailored advice specific for your individual needs - that’s just right for you!
Lagom Family Law is a boutique legal practice lead by Principal Lichee Hogland who strives to achieve the best possible outcome for her clients whilst being approachable and respectful.